Tuesday, January 18, 2011

pouring my heart out

i worry about so much stuff its unreal.i see all these weight loss ads on TV and the Internet and i see all the pills and the special drinks and food.(witch none of it works! I'm sick of wishing that ill wake up and have 3 wishes or that i would win the lotto and get a million dollars so i could pay to have that weight loss surgery. I'm sick of my body looking like this I'm tired of not being able to find cloths and i dont want to have to shop at a plus size store anymore they can be so costly.i hate my body i don't like to look a pictures where you can see more than my face. I'm 22 yours old and I'm weight 320, my husband tells me I'm pretty and that he loves me the way i am (and i love him so much) but i want to love myself i want to wake up and not have to worry about how this shirt is gonna fit, if its going to cover my role or and just to feel confident in my skin and like how i look.
some day it so hard to find anything good about myself. something inside me so desperately wants to break and and let me think that this is OK your just meant to be fat but something just refuses and i know its not OK and my body is in trouble if i don't do something now. its hard to find the motivation some days but others its right in front of me.sometimes i feel like I'm the only one in the world with this problem but i know I'm not
I'm just going to have to give it my all and hope that's the best . I'm not going to wake up with 3 wishes or with a million dollars and i cant afford the surgery, so its all on me and it feels like the weight of the world. i guess that is the hardest part is just admitting. its my fault my body is like this and i am the one that has to fix it

1 comment:

  1. Just take it one day at a time. You have the best motivation in the world, the cutest little boy. And even if the hubby tells you that he loves the way you are, which is wonderful, if you don't feel sexy in your own skin it will be hard to believe him. It is a daily fight, but if you just keep your head held high and tell yourself everyday that you are beautiful (which you are!), even if you don't feel it, you will see a change. Yeah you see all the magazines and commercials, but it is mostly photoshop and some serious airbrushing. I would really not want to look like them. I think thick girls look so beautiful. I think they look amazing in clothes, and I love my curves. Losing weight is one of the hardest things to do, but you have to believe in yourself, just like all of your friends do. You have so many people out there rooting for you! Hope this helps!

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